Am i a bad person?

God, my mom asked me today wat type of seed i am , to be honest, i've been da seed on the stone all these while. i tot i was doing everything right , which was wat my mom expected and instructed me.however, i realized i lack a concrete relationship wif u LORD.

And when sin or temptation came, i fell , and felt so discouraged when i was reproof by my mother.i always tot as if i am not up to 'her' standard of spiritual living . i felt not encouraged to come back to God, instead, i felt drifted away day by day coz no matter wat i do ...i will never keep up to da standards.

no doubt, so called worldly things we do (ie. dota, facebook , msn , etc) are pretty much leisure time. but i felt pressured whenever she kept reprimanding me as if these were all SIN . i know tat she wants da best for me but then again... i felt really annoyed? stress? perhaps frustrated might be da word ... shall a christian be like a monk? doin da necessary so called worldly things (ie. go to school & work ?)then other than tat, everything else is an 'IDOL' , 'SIN' .... ?

i tried talking to her bout me growing ... yes, i wanna b follower of christ , i wanna be a MAN of god, i wanna win souls for christ. i had all these desires in me. but i felt powerless whenver 1 mistake is done, ppl will bring up da issue over and over again, i felt discouraged and tired.

i talked to mom, but she wept as if i m scolding her tat she didnt love me.i only asked her this : if wat u intended all thse while is for my good , hw come i am feeling more discouraged as u reprimand me more? .... da desires of my flesh? .... i need answerssssss

heres a finger to u USM for trying to act like u love d environment so much when in reality, u practicec double standard u fucking retarded double face snake USM !!!

if u tell me u want to cut down on vehicle comin in to the school compound, then wats wif da banning on cars from enterin hostel area? do u know tat those who wanna go in hostel area actually have luggages? tats da reason we drive in to da hostel area.

now .... question is.... y da hell u don allow us to go in? u can help me carry my laptop? my pillow? my blanket ? my shoes? .... fuck u !!! if u cant do tat and only answer me like an ATM machine 'im jus doin my job' ... then u can b fired coz we can jus put a machine there tat can do a job like u dogs!!!

wheres ur civic conscious when i appeal to u to let me in to drop my stuff then i walk back up hostel? hav u try walkin up to da hostel? naah~~~ i doubt so, coz u guys are always on ur bikes moving around , without helmets as if u own da school.

stop da crappy hypocrisy of being environmental friendly and all those shitty excuses. im thru wif it. u suck .... yes! u heard me, u suck !!! big times!!! .... da world is plunging into global warming and theres nothing u can do to stop it....only to delay it. its pointless. and da money i read in newspaper tat u got ever since u're APEX? pls build more parking compound u son of a bitch ! stop hogging those money for ur selfish buffets and useless 'project' ... u r jus as corrupt as those KERIS Dogs .... wait, i forgot, u r their DOG.

heres my baby finger for u. ya, still small as i know u will wanna fuck me up if u found out i wrote this. but then and again, this jus revealed ur uglinesss .

to USM : tolong jangan tak da sivik , moral dan otak la.... fuck u and a happy new year ... to u heartless bastards.

WEEK2 Holiday

holiday week 2, haiya, don wan set goals adi , later cant achieve, so demotivating.

well.... stayed at home and work out lo. didnt go out any where. begining to feel tired of tat PAHANG trip. is tat wat i always wanted? but at home sien, so i went register de, but now i didnt wan go pulak, .... head ache la...

im gonna miss home .... 6-12th Dec 2009 , Bentong Pahang

Week 1 holiday evaluation

well ... of coz i didnt achieve tio la.... didnt read tat pyscho at all , jus read some insurance stuff..... :( . gymn? 2 days only i go.zzz

HOLIDAY week 1

exam finished ad!! now i need to plan my days week by week ....
week 1 planning...hmm, here it goes,my goals will be

1) mon,wed,fri,sat, go to gymn at least 2 hours
2) study my insurance textbook by saturday
3)read at least 3 chapter of psycho book
4)slp b4 2am
5)jog around during tues and thurs

well ... hope i can achieve it .... gonna compare wif hansen when he comes back , i wont lose to u in speed and body ,sucker!!!!

Exam

exam was really hectic, this time, i made sure i studied, well ... nth inspire me more than wat my china frend said -- FIGHTING !! , yes, i really fought hard, even tho most of my frend always say i lazy and always watch movie and play game during exam, but i did roughly studied thru da whole thingy....

me and my friends work quite hard for this semester, we were quite sad bout our result in year1 sem2 .... after da last day of exam, it was such a relief .... me and my gang hansen, ong, shen, siang, all went to seoul garden, then to Guiness for singing !!! haha.... enjoyed but hate those heavy smokers ....

on saturday we went to the pillow on 21st Nov ...haha, i won da grand prize in lucky draw , a ticket to go overseas !!! fuyoh

STUDY WEEK

im edwin , studied like crazy during study week, i've tried and tried, but cudnt concentrate, y does all this things affect me during this time? y m i losing focus and tinking of u again CL?

well... i thank god for the conversation wif a friend of mine,who helped me to finally understand u better, and now move on ... i wanna move on, and i wanna be strong, i know u have recovered , and i wont be a burden to my self .

thank god for this friend, :) , i can finally forgive myself of my past after accepting god's forgiveness , i wanna live a life for god, i wont wanna screw up my best of my years for nothing. oh God, how i have grief u for so long.....

till now then, i wish u good luck and may we meet in heaven one day. friends forever !