heres a finger to u USM for trying to act like u love d environment so much when in reality, u practicec double standard u fucking retarded double face snake USM !!!

if u tell me u want to cut down on vehicle comin in to the school compound, then wats wif da banning on cars from enterin hostel area? do u know tat those who wanna go in hostel area actually have luggages? tats da reason we drive in to da hostel area.

now .... question is.... y da hell u don allow us to go in? u can help me carry my laptop? my pillow? my blanket ? my shoes? .... fuck u !!! if u cant do tat and only answer me like an ATM machine 'im jus doin my job' ... then u can b fired coz we can jus put a machine there tat can do a job like u dogs!!!

wheres ur civic conscious when i appeal to u to let me in to drop my stuff then i walk back up hostel? hav u try walkin up to da hostel? naah~~~ i doubt so, coz u guys are always on ur bikes moving around , without helmets as if u own da school.

stop da crappy hypocrisy of being environmental friendly and all those shitty excuses. im thru wif it. u suck .... yes! u heard me, u suck !!! big times!!! .... da world is plunging into global warming and theres nothing u can do to stop it....only to delay it. its pointless. and da money i read in newspaper tat u got ever since u're APEX? pls build more parking compound u son of a bitch ! stop hogging those money for ur selfish buffets and useless 'project' ... u r jus as corrupt as those KERIS Dogs .... wait, i forgot, u r their DOG.

heres my baby finger for u. ya, still small as i know u will wanna fuck me up if u found out i wrote this. but then and again, this jus revealed ur uglinesss .

to USM : tolong jangan tak da sivik , moral dan otak la.... fuck u and a happy new year ... to u heartless bastards.

WEEK2 Holiday

holiday week 2, haiya, don wan set goals adi , later cant achieve, so demotivating.

well.... stayed at home and work out lo. didnt go out any where. begining to feel tired of tat PAHANG trip. is tat wat i always wanted? but at home sien, so i went register de, but now i didnt wan go pulak, .... head ache la...

im gonna miss home .... 6-12th Dec 2009 , Bentong Pahang

Week 1 holiday evaluation

well ... of coz i didnt achieve tio la.... didnt read tat pyscho at all , jus read some insurance stuff..... :( . gymn? 2 days only i go.zzz

HOLIDAY week 1

exam finished ad!! now i need to plan my days week by week ....
week 1 planning...hmm, here it goes,my goals will be

1) mon,wed,fri,sat, go to gymn at least 2 hours
2) study my insurance textbook by saturday
3)read at least 3 chapter of psycho book
4)slp b4 2am
5)jog around during tues and thurs

well ... hope i can achieve it .... gonna compare wif hansen when he comes back , i wont lose to u in speed and body ,sucker!!!!

Exam

exam was really hectic, this time, i made sure i studied, well ... nth inspire me more than wat my china frend said -- FIGHTING !! , yes, i really fought hard, even tho most of my frend always say i lazy and always watch movie and play game during exam, but i did roughly studied thru da whole thingy....

me and my friends work quite hard for this semester, we were quite sad bout our result in year1 sem2 .... after da last day of exam, it was such a relief .... me and my gang hansen, ong, shen, siang, all went to seoul garden, then to Guiness for singing !!! haha.... enjoyed but hate those heavy smokers ....

on saturday we went to the pillow on 21st Nov ...haha, i won da grand prize in lucky draw , a ticket to go overseas !!! fuyoh

STUDY WEEK

im edwin , studied like crazy during study week, i've tried and tried, but cudnt concentrate, y does all this things affect me during this time? y m i losing focus and tinking of u again CL?

well... i thank god for the conversation wif a friend of mine,who helped me to finally understand u better, and now move on ... i wanna move on, and i wanna be strong, i know u have recovered , and i wont be a burden to my self .

thank god for this friend, :) , i can finally forgive myself of my past after accepting god's forgiveness , i wanna live a life for god, i wont wanna screw up my best of my years for nothing. oh God, how i have grief u for so long.....

till now then, i wish u good luck and may we meet in heaven one day. friends forever !

time

once again... my time management really stinks ... on monday, i finished very few chapters nia.... only 1 for ethic and 1 for MA . worse off, im involved in this that really drain me off lately .... i feel so bad, oh God, pls help me put a stop to all these and get disciplined...

i wanna change !!!! arrgh~~~ screw this body of mine tat is not listening to me!!!

WEEK 14

i've wasted my time... again and agian, there were very few classes only this week, most of da lecturer has stop class.... well, its a pity, a fool like me opted to play dota everyday .

my parents were right in condemning my behaviour , i was only DOTA dota and DOTA everyday .... life sucks , one after another keep inviting me for a game.

i didnt really stayed in hostel, but i did went to gymnasium to work out . but the results are far from great, my shoulder sucks, its too small .... my body is too long and make me look small size even though im tall.

i must say, this week i squandred a lot of precious time .

WEEK 13 in USM (my bday)

well.... its tough week, no class at all, so free, and btw, it was my bday, and yes i celebrated my 21st bday . i've grown older d. day by day .... it beats me real hard actually, im entering into a new dimension so to speak. many will expect a lot from the newly become 21 yr old boy. :)

i made my wish during my bday -- to be a man of GOD , to fight for GOD and to win souls for GOD. im ready to rumble. however, i am well aware tat i have to keep watch of my spiritual life and not to sin. its gonna be a tough 21 yr old onwards journey.

WEEK 12

life is tough out there after we all graduate, i decided to giv myself a chance to change my own future.... i will take up this new career and try to create a little something for myself and my family.... shud it fail, i got nth to lose afterall ....

went to SWISS INN hotel for seminars about d insurance of Great Eastern thingy, well, da motivation was overwhelming , but the reality of facts still hurts though.... not everyone will succeed, this career is hard,theres a big posibility of losing ur friends once u make mistakes....
im thinking about it day by day, and yes, i wanna train myself. but then, i love all my friends, and tats y i will try to advise them to save a little money for future enjoyment as well as preparation for worst scenario incase of death/illness ... though many will see me as irritating, but hey, i don get any benefit except commision, but my clients will get all the benefits of security and future enjoyment of their own hard earn money.


school sucks as usual....my hair is growing day by day

WEEK 11

well, i went to those seminars and talks , now im gonna be recruited to become a SuperGROUP member. gonna be selling insurance and saving plans.

im kinda worried now, will it affect my future studies? friends? gf? .... very concerned.

i went to 'Mid Autumn festival' at U-care there, haha, it was so fun, i really enjoyed myself. Hansen also went, and as usual, i perli him 99. Elder Goh was there too.... hehe

oh well, long time no play lantern le, now really makes me recalled my childhood, its been so long since i left my childhood games and try to be mature, i really miss the good old times.

in class, its pretty busy, all ppl are busy wif assignments, and when Ong found out i copied Ci shen's MA assignment blindly, he was kinda pissed off wif my laziness , haih, he kept shootin me and was beh syeok at me (believe me , i know when ppl dislike me) , kinda sad though, he don show kindness, it only make me come back to reality and remembered tat all Uni ppl are fakes , selfish and self centered. i don blame them , coz most ppl are concerned about their own results and future, and hey, i also care, its just tat i leave most of da worry to God and do my part.

i went St andrew church, however, my parents start nagging me d, they wan me go back PCC, reason? coz u shud folo where ur family go....zzz, wat a 'reason' , da trouble is i cant really suit there ever since da day i was born, all these while , i long for mandarin speaking eh church, but cant find. my English schoool friends and i cant communicate well ma.... im troubled , and worried for my self... just when im about to come back to God, i sudenly faced trouble of growing in spirit, torn between obedience and concern for my spiritual growth

WEEK 10

i was introduced to an insurance group called Great Eastern. they wanted to offer me a ' life changing' exp where by i can make loads of money with a given max effort. and i must say.... the commision is very tempting. but i was in a dilemma , well, though the money is big, but then i felt tat i might lose my friends all around me if i start to sell them all those.

Also.... i bought a new raquet and plus i repaired my old racquet, haha! gonna beat my brother elisha in badminton this time.... i've managed to learn up the skill to hold the racquet properly .now i can avoid uneccesary injury.

BIBLE CAMP during my raya break

believe it or not... Hui Yi chio me go to a bible camp last week , and me and hansen decided to go !!! woo hoo ... and i didnt regret it at all. the people there are bunch of mandarin speaking de.
many friends i made, and also me and Hansen really enjoyed there. i enjoyed and received a lot of new insights regarding God, i had lots of fun, at da same time, i really am happy to have gone to the camp, no regrets. !!! thank you god

WEEK 9 in USM

well..... todays thursday. i just mSN Litong earlier on, she told me tat shes going to go USA to further her master studies. and yes, shes serius in her studies d this time around. she kept giving me da signal tat shes goin to be fully focus on her studies and tat shes not gonna get into any Love mode d.oh well, i tot tat when she comes back, i can go and convince her to accept me.

But, today , her signal isnt going the way i wanted it. I guess, locals and China ppl cant get along....i managed to help her find a room in restu from my friend whos gonna go out to rent outside USM, well, problem is...her roomate is LiJing-Ninja Turtle.

worked out on Monday wednesday .... played badminton on Thursday. its quite tiring tho to go thru those classes, all except M.Accounting. most lecturers are heartless toward the students feelings and yes, they suck big times. they are like a bunch of Robots.OMG !!! wat is wrong wif those lecturers? so lame.

yaya , had lots of fellowship wif my friends, but lately, i felt tat i neeed to have some time to myself and not always mix around. i felt tat i need some time alone , maybe theres this little urge to talk to God in person and not during those hectic lifestyle. i dunno.... really blur, wat plan does God has for me? lately there this 'SUPER GROUP thing tat wanna recruit me to help them to sell insurance and Save money accounts.... da commision was very high, and yes, it really is profitable

oh my.... i felt like im being suck into the Biznes world in exchange for money, im gonna have to sacrifice friendsssss, and also my social life. there will be so much test . i felt tat i need to seek God thoroughly.

WEEK 8

aiya forgot to write about it . well.... forgot wat happened d .
heres some----

i had my and Managerial accounting ... da lecturer came late for Exam,and yes, it sucks, i didnt go work out d, too lazy. i spoke to Litong about da Renting a room for her. she wants to come back to USM to study during the nex semester.

likewise, lately i have been going to Ong's room les frequently, i find myself more free to sleep and rest, haha, plus can watch movie song song . but cannot sing nia.Marketing exam is on nex week... havent even started yet. oh well....

saddened....where is my home?

Is there a home for me? i really cant feel 'at home' anymore in my very own physical home, wats going on? y is my father keep forcing to do those 'church thingy' ? all he always speak of is : 'Go this seminar' , 'go that', 'must serve' , 'must not skip' .... have he ever pause for 1 moment to just ask about how am i? never hav i heard, its been so long since i hear him asking me 'how r u son' ? all son only wish to make their parents proud, and make them happy ... i too am no diffrent, im the middle son, its always been my desire to please my parents, altho i don fight for attention, i cant bear to always do watever they say when some of the things i do , i really don like it.... ex: when i was really hurt from my break up, they din giv a shit about it and kept scolding me when i stop serving a moment, and they kept talking about how bad my spiritual life is.... can they understand how i felt? my teenage life and theirs are from a difrent dimension, ppl's mindset change , and they kept forcing me to tink like them.... how the hell am i supposed to serve wif a broken heart? giv it all to JESUS, some say, if that can be done easily, i wud have done so.... asking me to read bible also isnt a solution at all....if it is, look at me now.... i did many bad things.
i yearn ... i really yearn for a proper parental love. but i m frustrated that wat i yearn and wat i get is always the opposite, they cant satisfy this hunger of love. how can i see my father in heaven's love when my earthly parents are all acting like this? when i tell them my problem tat i felt marginalised, they always say i a bit a bit jealous and tat i demand and complain so much....

i have ask of nothing more ever since im born.... im the only one in my family tat dont burn my parents pocket in a hole when it comes to education, i hate my curent course, and yet, i didnt complain a thing(altho sometimes i cannot tahan when they kpt scolding me non stop) ... yet when i ask for pocket money for my BASIC needs, it always seems like a mountain to climb. im 21 this year....wat have i achieve? nonthing.... low self confidence? i guess so.... im begining to lose the confidence and trust towards my self and God....
i feel far from God day by day.... i felt lonely and unable to change my curent situation.... everyday if i dont the 'christian do 的东西' , i wud be criticized.... i really am tired of these good works ....i cannot b a hypocrite all the time.... i need a time where i can be real. yes , im hurt, im actually very hurt inside.... but am waiting and seeking for solutions.... i need to feel it, not just see it, need to experience it, not just understand it

WEEK 7 in USM

as usual.... clas class class la, this week i skip some of it coz Mid term coming ma , and i have a campm to attend so i scared i wont have enuf time to study... have to skip lo... still went gymn and everything. lately, my stamina drop d, very weak....

in class, totally no heart listen lecture, getting sick wif the same routine everyday.... i wanna go home, dont care le la, even if have to waste petrol also must waste lo....i miss my home.

went to Seoul Garden wif rach, fish, eve and hansen... long time din hang out wif them le, well, eve fish and her frend was very sohai, ask them go steamboat together, they went and eat 1st only come gurney.... dammit man, end up me , seng, and rach eat nia.... then later 7pm go watch another sohai movie, I love Beeth Cooper.... lousy show of romance ...bla bla bla!

went home on thursday , had to skip class for marketing on tomolo night, oh well.... boring....hope to have a great time in camp, but li hor, MID TERM exam kacau nia!!!

LLDS, 28th - 30th Aug

well... LLDS , AIESEC mia camp.... i went! wahahahaha~ cant belif i went to a society's camp!!! i cant believe it man.... here are the summary:

Day 1:
went to BAYU EMAS wif jaylin they all, made new frends in an instant, a few lansi boy from College( as usual la, college ppl all like satu macam one) .i was kinda reluctant to go la, they keep dancing those 'lame' dance'

we went into our groups, i m in Group 2, our group name was L.O.V.E. (losing our virginity effectively) and our role call was from the Barney and Friends mia song-i love you. oh well, our leader broke the egg shortly after it was given to us, how lovely. 1st day tio punishment d, get punished for not offing our light, whole group get it....have to pass Toothpaste from nose to nose. shitty, but fun, however, very embarasing la....

they taught us about identifying our personality....i m extrovert wif Feeling(fact based) and perceiving(lam nua a bit).there goes day 1 ended wif drinking 'water' competition.... wooo, good thing my group didnt win... hahaha! the drink was tasting HORIBLE

Day2
i planned wif Jay Lin to go back early le since she just found out a last minit assignment waiting for her to complete and pass up by tuesday. well... we had our ICX session, 4 hours wo!!! 10am-12pm, 12pm-1pm lunch, then 1pm-3pm lecture again, then 3-5pm lecture on Finance mia dong xi, then hor, we had a great simulation.... that taught us to work together and not go for your own benefit.

we went back and rest then had workshop from 8.15pm-11pm, then 11pm we had the DRAMA investigation thingy.... hehehe, nice also lo the commitee plan.....very well done i wud say, haha....i've been guarding my 'mortal' named florence for very long time and helping her wif her game and gave her food ....hmm, fun? yup, wanna go home? still yes la.... but youdian bu she de....anyway , i went back at 1am somthing, .... had supper then came home at 2.30am jor....cant be going church le la... so tired.... i got a bad feeling about tomolo.....

WEEK 6 in USM

well... asignment date is drawing closer and closer day by day..... presure is sure building up besides da mid term test coming up...

well, these few days, realy didnt study much yet, as for my social life, hmm.... getting bored in hostel , everyday same routine, im begining to feel so robot .... haih, tinking of staying at home again, coz i feel like a king at home ma. oh well, i dunno la. nowadays, LT no come USM ... i sien lo, everyday kept hoping and hoping for her to appear,lately also miss chin ling so much....dunno wats gotten into me liao.

anyway, i sure hope tat i can pass my exam well... this semester i really wanna 'piah' ...but no confident at all..... well, mid term break coming up, and nex week im going to KUANTAN wif hansen. hopefully can relax and enjoy myself, really feel no mood to enjoy la actually. i wanted to take a good rest de. dunno y tat time so excited to travel tat i agreed to go wif hansen they all. Ong , siang , sheng, all balik jor. haih... i plan to stay at home for 1 week when school reopens. kinda miss home badly le.

depression? yes, on thursday lo, coz of that song by SHE 'ai wo de zi ge' tat made me remember 'her' again. anyway, i had to move on and don tink about those thing liao le la... haha, she also moved on jor wif another guy, y shud i linger around and scold myself. ...haih, my sis took away my bible, and i didnt read it for 1 week.... spiritualy so dry .....!!!

my heart still search for u

here i am , day 5 of week 6 in USM , all of a sudden as i browse thru the SHE songs copied from a frend of mine--'ai wo de zi ge' , i m overwhelmed by the lyric, it talks about a girl's tinking of wat a guy who love her shud be doing. i feel like crying, but as im in my frend hansen and Ong room, i didnt wanna make a big deal outta it. i feel sad .... somehow, i question the new 'me' , didnt i moved on? didnt i told my self not to go back to depression and lingering in negative thoughts? well, i realized , i didnt make it, i failed somehow. perhaps the emotional attach is still very strong in my heart, perhaps i didnt realize how much i love u chin ling. how foolish of me to get angry over promises broken and opted for break up....

i wish, i wish....i REALLY WISH.... tat u will come back. i know tat ppl said tat once a new person enters my life, i will move on, but atm, i jus cant accept anyone else yet. y m i punishing myself wif someone who alrdy gave up on me alrdy? yes, i have hurt u, i have throw u into hopelessness for once, and u picked urself up thru the mission trips and group activities wif frendsss... however, i believe tat u do still miss me, consider me a fool who still hope for something.... this fool hope, i cling to everyday.... deep inside, i asked myself, were i like 'this' (current behaviour and actions) 1 year ago when u were still wif me? no, i have change into something tat i tot it cud conceal my hurt.... its FAKE.

well, writing out my feelings only makes me feel released of words. i just wanna say i still cling on dis fool's hope for u. i know u told me u have a new BF, consider it a punishment for me by god.

********I LOVE U Chin Ling*********I still do******if u do read this, pls believe tat we still can be together*******i pray tat we can meet and talk again one day***************

the sad part

as i woke up in the morning ... doing my usual routine task, and there, i saw my mom kneeling down, interceding for the whole family, i m so ashamed of myself, wat have i done all these while but bring pain and sorrow to them?.... im saddened by the fact tat im quite useless in their eyes, always asking for money from them . i feel disgusted at myself . how lazy i am !!! and i hate my own attitude. im gonna change for better....

WEEK 5 in USM

tension building as it is...psycho refleksi diri to pass up soon, and another is the homework for M.Accouting.sien sien.... week6 will be even busier...plus, got mid term somore leh..

lately, at hostel quite bored, same old routine, im begining to feel bored la...shud i stay at home? but stay at home can study langsung... always can on9, swt.
well, i guess i gotta wait for my rumours tat im a 'playboy' to fade off b4 i can start talking to girls le. omg de, so many girls tink im cocky type, wat happen? im supposed to b the good boy type ma. sia sui lo. oh well, i met ci shen's junior, kinda cool, i dunno wat the hell they mumble everytime, they dare point their finger at me somore jus nw sunday when they belanja us eat at pizza hut. zzz....tat hansen went also, even without helpin out. lagi sia soi....ahahahaha~~~!!!

anyway, this week is not a good week, very much stress in a way im fully distracted by eyeshield and naruto, plus 1 piece.... i wanna study but im begining to lose the momentum d, looks like its really challenging to keep the tough going, like ci shen said, we all need discipline nia. abo we are doomed liao.

this coming week: less talking to girls, more sports and less online and movie, MORE study!!!!! grr.... li tong, i promise to get my 3.0 CGPA target!!! i will do it!!!

*************the feeling os missing 'some 1' sudenly fills me**********

WEEK 4 in School....

assignemtns assignments assignments..... all begining to pile up alrdy.
1)Biznes Ethic cast study
2)Biz Ethic Assignment
3)Psychology presentation
4)Psychology assignment x2
5)M.Accounting assignment
6)Marketing assignment
7)Marketing presentation
8)SHE assignment(totally on my own)

fuyoh~.... so many to do. i have 4 more weeks to complete those or im toast.
well... a lot have been went thru this week....i did my SHE kertas cadangan all by my self...i stuggled but hey, thanks to my frends who helped me out a bit.

for my social life, its getting pretty good... i have stopped lifting heavy weights and changed my weight lifting to merely for body Toning purpose only.... i realise lifting weight beyond ouor limit will hurt our body. :)

well... as usual la, im still broke , when is PTPTN money coming?

**********************miss li tong who went off on tuesday********

25th July Saturday 2009 stress buidling up

Thursday was a bad day... i couldnt find any SHE group , Dr Siti pressuring me and scolding me y i didnt inform her in da 1st place. darn it, im so lost.... dunno wat to do. my frends tat i was supposed to be same group alrdy have a group. wat shud i do? .... hai... so sad.

i was so stress, to the point of anger.... negative entered me, tinking of bad thoughts and burning desire to hurt others....bla bla bla.... but then, i called my mom, i cried, i was sad and angry to the point of fever and Flu, oh well, thank God my mom calmed me down and ask me to love my frends and not hold grudges against them, altho it was hard to listen to her advice, but i did anyway outta obedience, thanks be to god, i freed myself from bitterness.... now, i learn to love my frends as God loves me...

well, i m still havin fever, im trying to rest, but then, im so tired from the fever.... we shall c wat happens tomolo ba.

WEEk 3 in school...

STRESS wud not b an appropriate word to discribe my 3rd week here in USM, indeed, the 1st 2 weeks in USM was a honeymoon, but then again.... i didnt get to study due to the fact that i didnt get the books, and tat led me to trail my reading plan by a thousand mile, worse! ....in those 2 weeks, i have been going to play around and doing nothing most of da time .... tat has even made it difficult to start my 'study engine' .

well... wat ya know, i made new frends like cui may, and her 3 frends , talkin to ppl whom i didnt talk to last semester and feeling the pressure of assignment (as this sem , i didnt same group as Choo Sheng in every assignment) . well, life is tough, and the pressure is beggining to build in and im kinda worried tat i cant find enuf time for STUDY and LEISURE.... wat is this man... life is really tough , and i hate it,i hate this course im taking too.... i wish i can be a successful person wif a positive attitude .... but then again... these books tat i study are restricting my abilities to go beyond my boundary of gaining new insights.

wat to do? i lost some frends , as well as gain new ones.... i hurt others , as well as being hurt by others too... i help others ,and others help me... alrdy in the 3rd week, i was back stab by ppl and also i left bad impressions towards some of my frends/coursemates , well, i just cant seem to please everyone. i miss HOME, i miss GOD, i miss my FAMILY, i miss my BIG BRO. i really don feel like studying at all... dunno y , i just lost the enthusiasm after i took on this Management course.haih...

*********************************dunno y i just cant smile******************************

1st week in USM

well...school kick start really quick, until u know it, boom~! its passed week 1 d. haha! i had lots of fun this week 1, not really much class coz not yet start tutorial ma. i went out wif frends to snake temple on friday. i had CS wif my frends and also met my new room mate... not bad also la he, BIOLOGY student , year3, from penang too.

umm... this week , according to my calculation, im in financial crisis...im running outta cash, really regretted of not working... i had to buy so many original books, so much for photostating....zzz , nowadays my Uni is Apex status, they force all buy original wif da requirement of buying a code tat comes together wif da book in order to register for assignments and tutorial...$UCKS~~~!!! i hate USM !!! and another thing is...da car sticker issue is really pain in da @rse.... haih....

anyway.... i feel so lonely la... lately, i din chat wif 'her' tat often d, but i sure hope she can study well wif me not on9. i wondering wats shes doing now? i really miss her man....haih.

friday....

yesterday, we went redbox, ong, me , hansen, siang, ci shen and cai yun all went. all of them didnt wanna sing. oh well, guess, im da singer in tat redbox nia lo.haha! ....hansen lost his voice, ci shen, was shy, cai yun shy also, siang very pai seh pulak, Ong don like to sing eh. swt.... all come redbox wif this kinda ****ing attitude.

anyway, im broke , i bought a ring , RM10 !!! i put it in my pinky, im single! hahaha!!!... well, lately no mood to on9 , so busy wif my own school stuff and really pressured about the future assignments coming up.

well, i m short of money alrdy. owing cishen RM50, and hansen RM12. shit.... if this goes on, it will severe our frendship de. i ahte owing money to ppl

6th JUly, school starts, but not for me!

well well well, schoool has finally started, many ppl went to school alrdy but for me and my gang, we HAVE NO SCHOOL !!! haha... monday bo school surprisingly.

Hansen hav been stayin in ma house since Saturday night, and on Monday( today*) , i went to USM to put his stuff and pick up Ci Shen , Siang, and went back my home to wait for Ong, we waited from 2pm - 4pm . zzz

anyway , we went Gurney at 4.20pm , we went to watch movie+arcade+dinner le... uah, tiring lo, lazy to elaborate so much but umm.... maybe when i settle down d then i will write more. tomolo tuesday mia school very stupid eh, from 8am - 6pm !!! uah lao... hav to go CG somore , i sure very punctured d.

uah... tired !!!

this is really killing me !!! i woke up at 12.30pm thanks to babe who woke me up coz alvin was here to fetch me d, haih.... i slept at 6am yesterday, recently keep sleep late, and now PIMPLE growing all over me face.... swt, gonna hav to do some healthy therapy o ... abo can die eh.

well... woke up go badminton from 1-3pm, then at 4.30pm only come back coz we went for Laksa at kek lok si there. by the time im home, i have to fetch vic from School, and its alrdy 6pm lo. sien nia, my time is flying soooooo fast !!! ... played games then 8pm d, had dinner and go CG lo. back at 11pm coz need to pangsai !!!wakakaka~~~ it took 2 sec to UNLOAD everything !!! muahahaha~~~ not bad.... seems like da papaya has worked !

haih...tomolo hav to go dad's office to work a while , zzz, so tired , not enuf slp... school gonna start, and im like kick starting my 1st day in school like a ZOMBIE .

REDBOX 6hours!!! new RECORD !!!

hohoho !!! today last minit got class gathering , good thing i saw it from HanHong's facebook, tat idiot didnt tell me earlier, hai me cant inform ER on time. sad nia! i went pay my dad's shop electric bill at 2pm then only come over to Redbox to meet up wif my old pal

those present were: Alvin(my bf ,hehe) , han hong, boon chean, soon gui, yuan li+7lou , jian hong+7lou, Bird Bird+7lou(li wei) , chin yun, and Tuck seng. 13 alltogether.

we sang for 6 HOURS!!!!
then only we had buffet , total we paid for BUFFET + SINGING(6hours) was RM 22 nia!!! damn cheap...woo hoo~~~ hanhong is such a good organizer . we sang and scream and shout till the top of our lungs, everyone was crazily happy, everyone competed to sing, wakakaka~~~ Alvin singing still sucks as usual !!! all lose me !!! except tat i bo stamina nia,plus, most of da songs i dunno hw to sing, i only pro Wang lee hom and Jay Chou. yup....

we sang from 2pm-6pm then we had our buffet dinner , then we continue singing till 8pm ...
at 9pm , we went off to ARCADE and played for 2hours till 11.30pm, my arm wrestle only can win till the 4th nia, Jian Hong beat me coz he won the 3rd !!! .... but for the hammering strength test, i won!!! muahahaha~~~ i hit until the machine spoiled and get the maximum points!!! woohoo~~~

i dropped Alvin home at 1.50pm , then reached home late at 12am le, my dad asleep d....lately he have problems in work. i baru asked Alvin to pray nia.... haih, god , pls help us

1st July, begining of my FALL, and RISE

today was really a wretched day after wat tat 'fella' did to me. i prayed hard, boucing back wif hope and trust in Jesus's work on da cross.... life is a challenge, i told God to guide me and help me.i fasted for tat day, but resumed my dinner at 9pm. Oh LORD, thank you for my mom's prayer tat opened my eye and c the good works of ur salvation. thanks for ur mercy.

anyway, today i use JUGGERNAUT in Dota, pawn like crazy, ppl also call me GOD le. :p , 1st time use it since dunno when le. haha! my laptop was taken away by dad, but strangely , i don hold grudges against my dad, haha! one of da reason is bcoz house also can use ma... besides, my dad need it for his work purposes,hmm.... lately, i begining to understand ppl's situation and stop judgin ppl... is tat wat TRANFORmation thru the renewing of our mind called?

i sure hope this state last , i don wanna hear the lies of devil anymore which kept me wasting my past 6 month .

oh ya, i met up wif ER today in Heng ee Gate there, very funny la.... i alrdy told her tat we shud go Coffee shop and meet up eh, but she kept saying her frend don wan go, well... i know is bcoz dey all paiseh la.... but i did told her tat if her frend come then every1 will feel wierd eh ma.... haha, don wan listen lo, haha! then when meet ER , din even dare to look me in da eyes, zzz.... she was VERY VERY VERY SHY.

anyway,thanks for meeting me up, miss u so much la, jus tat i don wan make u uncomfortable tats y i din talk much ma. haha! somore got an adult ask for money from me, zzz, hes healthy and able-body, yet he don wan go work and wan come ask me for money....zzz, somore he sick d i told him go General hospital, he don want, wat a lier .

uah!!!really tired, came back , wanted play badminton but no racquet anymore,zzz,went to sleep at 7pm, woke up at 9pm !!! now baru habis dinner, blogging lo.

TEMPTATIONS.... the real world

wats human race's greatest sin ? disobedience , self seeking , and hatred ....

the real world is such a bizzarre thing for me, especially when i jus recently got into the wake of society in Uni, in life , and in home, da many things i learnt lately, its killin me. Mom was right when she said without God , one can become anything but righteous, one can steal, one can cheat, one can lie, commit adultery, commit hideous crimes, etc... but its a sad thing tat even tho we all desire good, our nature is still (like it or not) bend on doing wicked and evil things.

God, why must we all suffer this kinda paradox? at times, i fall too, many a times, i failed to obey u even when i desire to... how can a man keep his way pure? by living according to ur command, i wanna do tat from now on.... since school gonna start, i sure hope i will hav a new beginning , busying my self wif GOd , school, and ER. haha!

TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON

Sorry tat i post so late, on Thursday, MJ died, many ppl cried, my parents felt wat a great loss it has been, my bro victor no mood study coz all da while he hav been emulating his moon walk and body popping....tribute to u MJ.... haha, cant believe his music mostly are from good lyrics....and not like da current world lyric tat is full of nonsense de. good bye MJ, we will miss u

Sunday: duty for CIDS, no futsal, goin funeral

login at 4.30pm... but my 'frend' bo login.... her sis chiam her comp jor.oh well....

today woke up 8.30am to get rdy go church duty... playe guitar for CIDS, but forget to bring my CApo, so i didnt really live up to my full potential. wat to do.... last minit cant find it, whenever i don wanna use it, it kept appearing in front of me... such a paradox.

i didnt go Futsal as my frends not enuf , plus, i lazy le... lately , i don exercise tat much also. this week only exercise 3 times nia , compared to 5 times per week.

oh ya, during church time, i was having stomache ache, coz yesterday 11.30pm i ate wif sis in Lai Lai , i ate Hokkien mee, chicken chop, fried rice, and fried chicken ....stomache is blotting out!!!!

i came back and nap at 2.35pm, i just had a wierd dream, i dreamt tat the whole world is aftering me, da government wanna catch me for something tat i saw tat is top secret, i was a fugitive and strange, my cousin ah boy also apearing in my dream...wat the heck he doing in my dream? plus, my ex's mom was also there, coz i saw her Kenari car then as i was about to approach the car to c who lai de, da soldiers caught me , then i woke up. i felt soooooooo thirsty when i woke up, dunno y, plus headache, i rmb drinkin water b4 i slept ma. strange....wat does this dream mean?

later im going funeral at 7pm. i guess this is da last time i seeing my relatives from my grandma's sister's side le.... the chain of bonding is broken le.sad....

Friday and Saturday:relative passed away... me get back laptop!!! for now

today , as i was bathing , still sad over my laptop incidence , my dad came in and told me tat my Grandma's sister has passed away. i was kinda shock, coz at tat time, i rmb seeing her last year during one of her grandson wedding, but then this year's CNY gathering i didnt go meet them coz i had to attent to my China frenz who didnt go back China during da holiday .

i went KUlim there to find my relatives together wif my dad's siblings ...... all looked sober. hmm... i realized my far distance cousin all got bunny teeth, haha... victor took a while nia to blend in to them(da children) ....went back at 1.30am

on saturday.... i went to shop to take back da laptop...haha, after quarel wif dad on friday, i str8 tell dad sorry via sms. now settle d.... but i dunno hw long will it last ....sure hope this peace wud last. im trying my very best to be at peace and obey HE .

i didnt go church on saturday coz my buddy pong and Joker chio me dota... swt, play until quarel....jus a game nia, wats their problem?

TRAnsformers!.... thanks to u party pooper!

WAKAKAKAKA~~~ today lagi keng! i slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm !!! hua, really spend my time well . :p

sorry ER tat i didnt answer ur call la, coz i was playing games , pai seh again. umm, nex week i sure bring my HP wif me all da time and stand by for u la.kk?

went to watch transformers today wif sis and choo bao+ frends , nice show !!! the effect are great !!! PG13, lol !!!the actor was great, plus OPTIMUS PRIME is cool!!! i like him, however, hes still look like an ape.

Great movie, UNFORTUNATELY !!! ... theres a party pooper at home. when i came home at 12.30am, Pong ask me to go supper, then i went to ask permision from ma dad ( in my heart i wasnt confident too tat he will allow) , then of coz la, he said NO! , then i went to my room de shi hou, he came in and started to scold me and insult my frends using christianity as da basis for his criticism, tat really piss me off. half he made a full stop in his 'LECTURE' , i went toilet, then tat pisses him off pulak ( c? the chain of reaction of pissing each other??? ) .... he reacted of coz, and took away my laptop, nice going there.

heres a picture to describe this party pooper(see above) .... hate it nia!

****************** good mood also become bo mood*************************

Tired, frustrated at streamyx

today i supposed to wake up late, thanks my bro who wake me up at 8am , then my mom at 10.30am, im so darn tired, i slept at 5am yesterday coz i was playing dota wif pong pong.... tired sei ngor.

woke up and do nothing, very waste time nia. haiz... i sure hope my modem can improve a bit... so lag de, and sometimes kept dc. sien nia.

i din go CG le, coz i was too tired. duno la, feel like i wasted my whole day. btw, i canceled off my 016-4448837 line le. RM155 i had to pay even when im not using it. now im oficialy broke. darn it!

************** the hokkien ppl say 'TULAN'(sory abit rough)****************
haiz... pai seh wif ER nia, me kept wanna on9 wif her, but end up talk so less, i feel so bad, wat kinda 'frend' m i to her, i sure hope she wont giv up on me. thanks to streamyx la! make me geram dou sei.

ER, i wonder wat we'll b in future ... really excited bout life. but frustrated about past. happy to hav u by my side . thanks for being there for me when im sad, happy, angry, or not angry.zzz haha!

HAPPY father's day!!!

today woke up and went church at 8.45am!!! coz i had to play for the little children .
had a hard time teaching audrey the chords and stuff.... chuan~

today pastor talked about father's the perfect father (our heavenly father) has 3 basic characteristic:
1) Patience ,2) forgiving , 3) Loves unconditionally

wow... im gonna be a good father towards my children in future!!! da BEST DAD ever!!! haha... i wan my children to feel proud of me, a frend, and a protecter towards them.

unfortunately , some ppl wif single parents faced difficulty, pastor did mentioned tat their children are vulnerable to moral decay, substance abuse, rebellion, and sexually active at young age. i do pray tat it wont happen to them. God, pls help those single parents to raise up their child, it isnt gonna b easy. be a FATHER to their child.Amen.

anyway... school gonna start soon... around 2 more weeks nia. later.

ohya! i took picture wif KAPAL SINGH tat day during my Headmaster Retirement dinner. i din know tat K.Singh was a former xavieran!!hahaha! but he looks old d, he cant move well... pity him .

nothing to do...

it saddens me... everyday i feel like an idiot... waitin and waiting... wats there to wait? for knowledge to come by? for love? for money? .... i dunno la!!! im not living life to the fullest. i don wanna displease God, however, my flesh is so strong over my spirit la. just so lazy... yup lazy wud be da word to describe myself!!

on9 since 11am... din c my dear login... sad. have to wait till 3pm... oh well, have to tahan lo, wat to do? strange thing about teenager life, y m i acting strangely in front of her de? ... haha!!! faster login la!!!

CANT SLEEP... me fat? ... pimple?zzz

thanks to tat show, now i cant sleep. whole night kept dreaming non stop, haiz....

im alrdy 21, is a shame tat i still cant watch horror movie. maybe im soft and weak at heart still. who knows tat cud mean in a gud way tat im gentle ma...but still, this kinda personality is dangerous, somehow i sense in me tat if rage comes in, it will b a disaster.

so much weaknesses i have in me, not tat i wan ppl pity me, but i wan myself to b honest , i don wanna lie to ppl or pretend to b some1 tat im not .

well... yesterday, my frend ALvin from France came back d and when we met up, he keep criticising my face, zzz... issit really tat bad? he said my face 'chan ki' ... i admit lately stress and seldom jaga, but umm... still, issit really tat necessary to talk bout it everytime we meet? lol... chan ki, but still entao ma i told him :p

i have grown fatter or thinner??
haiz...some said im thinner, some said i've become fat.... well... i jus wanna b fit for my sports(futbal) ma... haha! after all, i cant achieve these things when im old ma .

2005 pic, thin? 2009 pic, fat ma?

i wonder whether if i m fat... haiz, big issue for women? nah... guys care about their weight too!!!

*******************afraid***************************************************

met Old frends and shopping!!!

well..somethings wrong, i woke up in da middle of da night again, thanks to mosquitoe! haiz... so tired la, whole day cant sleep. stayed up from 2.45am - 4.30am....forgive me LORD.

i went to gurney wif my old buddy!!! ALVIN, ah leng and ah pin, long time no c them... all go uni study nia no free le to hang out. haiz...anyway, it was nice catching up wif them.we met up at 1.30pm, and ate at MCD , get a new VIP junior card. we chat till 2.50pm.

UNfortunately, i was pranked by them, as usual.... they tricked me into watching DRAG ME TO HELL!!! ... sh!t mia kawan, i was horrified thru out da movie. all da while , i was closing my eyes and staring at my lap. haiz.... stupid horror show! now im gonna hav trouble sleeping !!! 3-5.30pm da movie....

after tat , we went to one-stop there to play arcade. ha! my driving skill sucks.lost to them all....we played till 6.30pm then cabut le.

came home and went pasar malam at 9.15pm. hoho~ bought 2 pants.well ... a bit tired. tired of da show jus nw, tired of myself too.

haiz... today i said something to Alvin, it made me feel like a hypocrite. im guilty of it. i cant believe tat i actually said something and did another . wat am i? a christian? im guilty LORD, not worthy to b called ur son, y wud christ died for an insignificant me?..... haih.... i sure wish the world is at peace.

after movie , me went

蒲公英的约定

happened to listen to jay chou's song--蒲公英的约定. i never actually cared about the lyric, then i realised , its about a song for lovers who promised themselves to each other and when the time comes, they will re-meet up again and then move on again as couple, unfortunately the ending was a sad one, the promise was broken . the place that this promises was made was actually in a garden where 蒲公因 flower exist. sad, i almost cried for the song! haha... anyway, jay chou is very pro in his words. simply nice to listen. :)

well... life is jus like tat, things happened -good/bad, we still have to move on, tho watever we regreted, we have to learn it da hard way, and sometimes thru other ppl's exp. i sure hope everyone (my frends, my loved ones, my parents, my family) learnt it the easy way in life. not just love , but in this society.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKICStnAKGE
哈哈，i still dunno how to upload videos from youtube to blog yet, still learning .

wat am i?

the battle is all in the mind... LORD pls help me win this war,i wanna triumph in u. u r my victory . create in me a clean heart and pure mind... i wanna stay innocent of hate ,deception, temptations and wickedness....

how can a man keep his way pure from sinssssss? by living according to HIS word. looks like i gotta read. everyday will b a battle to me.

well... gonna stop seeing u alrdy.wat my sis said was right, by doin tat , i shud b able to move on nicely.

lately, RE (terbalik*) din login. wat happen? i tot she avoiding me too...haha! glad to have her bty my side... i feel so lucky.

frends, all of u are so good to me and always by my side , scolding me to wake up. thanks for all tat. i will come back strongly. i will!

my hatred

in front of me , u cried and told me tat ur parents wud scold, in front of me u begged me, in front of me u still hold da confidence for a better tomorow... all these has been known to me as LIES all along, wat m i? wif a broken heart and sorrowful heart , i refused in order for u to focus on studies and obeying ur parents.

soon... u rear ur ugly head, u lied to me , after all this time , another guy showed up and took care of u and shower u wif concern tat u become inflactuated at him? now... tell me da reasons again why cant u and i b official? yes, it was ur very reason tat prompted me to broke up, and now, i found tat these reason u gave me was a pure lie!!! .... im da only one in ur heart? don talk bull $h!t wif me anymore...

i hate u, i really hate u right now. u wan ur kettle back? i will giv u back, i won wanna c ur face again, im sick of u! da sweet talks, da bloodiful promises u told me when u said u are COMMITED in 'this' relationship. bull sh!t , tats all bull sh!t to me now!!! i hate u chin ling, untill this hatred subsides, i won wanna see u, don even let me c ur new bf , i will really beat him up. wat m i? a spare tyre? and when u don have me u find ur other 'spares'? ...im through wif it.

i hate u chin Ling, this hatred in me i will use it as a driving force in my studies, i don wanna c u anymore. i wish u will get ur 'reward' , and to ur new bf, he wont b wif u 4ever, this i gurantee u!!! hes jus a thief who ambush u and u who r soft and double minded enough to go for him. now i know y i still cant move on, coz i always tot and belif in u tat u havent giv up on me. nw tat i know da truth, i won wanna see u 4ever.

so much for PATHOGEN FOREVER, so much for SBS, so much of FOREVER LOVE, all these are jus sweet talks and nothing more!!! ... i won utter these things to another girl again, i wont wanna b like ur new bf who take advantage of girls in pain ... hope u suffer shame and guilt in future.bye~~~!!!

***************************HATRED*************************************************

facebook quiz

what is my real age?
6分的朋友，你是屬於比較文靜型的，而你真正成熟的年齡是在14~17歲之間，你比較沒有主見，別人說一你就做一，但是你生起氣來可是非常的驚人，你又很屬於稚氣的類型，可愛是你的特點之一~

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wathi chin ling, its been 6 month alrdy, how r u? heard tat u went form 6 and doing quite well. i c tat u have moved on well thanks to those activities in church and ministries u served in. i see tat u really have grown a lot chinling maturing in many areas, this is probrably my 1st msg to u since 2009.

so , wat u told me was true all along tat i hav been replaced, chin ling, im sorry tat i told everything about us to ur mom without ur knowledge. little did i know tat u cud move on tat fast, u are really strong. i just wanna wish u and ur new bf well again. watever i done to u in da past, i say sorry and i regret fully for letting u outta ma hands, i still hate myself for it.

but as wat u have said, i shud move on, i will try . my results and everything have not been doing well , maybe this was da consequences of my actions and past mistakes. im really sorry about it, i wud do anything to revive those good times of us. however, i know its impossible now tat wif ur curent status.

well... how r u ? FORM 6 is hard? went tuition d?haha... hope u do well in STPM. gambateh chin Ling.



tat was wat i wrote to chin ling on 9th june 2009 tuesday. i miss u chin ling.... i still do

3rd June 2009

well... 2nd june tuesday , my result came out le... guess wat?.... my CGPA 2.87 nia... really sad a bout it..
i did really bad, part of it was bcoz i seldom study and also, my break up wif my ex.

time has really fly very fast, its been 6th month since my official break up wif chin ling. i have not fully recover until now. wat have i to say, most frends of mine kept telling me y giv up da whole forest for a tree? .... i know i ought to move on, but at times, those memories and certain things will remind me of her again and again...

i jus came back from TESCO wif ma sis, its 11.42pm now, i saw the biscuit 'ROCKY' which was chin ling's favourite biscuit.... haiz, those thoughts, those memories... how i wish i cud unwind the clock. but then, time hav to move forward.

nex semster is coming soon, im doing everything i can to rest and relax my mind off, but lately i kept sleepin late and strangely, im sleeping enuf, i dunno y m i havin sleepless nights?

li tong gonna sit for her marketing again, pity her nia, looks like i hav to buy another new marketing book d...zzz

sarawak pics

15th May 2009 End of my trip...

im at d airport atm, 8.11pm right now, da damn flight got delayed again. waiting for 9.20pm

well... wat hav i to say? today was da last day i hav to spend in kuching , sad wouldnt be da word enough for me describe ma feelings, i have grown thru out da 10days in my trip.i learnt many things since my stay in Hansen's house. his family has really taught me valuable lessons, i had lots of fun wif his family. i realy enjoyed myself

haha! i even managed to break d ice wif hansen's sister(hooray for me), after 10 days in his house, his sis finally said something to me and its goes like this: so buy 6 pair of shorts for me ya.haha! so happy nia, her other sis seems very anti-Social la. hmm... maybe coz im a boy and shes shy?

i took some pics during my stay in sarawak, i went to many places and had many sarawak food. boy, i fo0und out tat im really racist towards da bumis , cud it be tat our current political situation has caused me to hate them? Oh god, pls help me to love my enemy.the food there sucks actually, coz its so tasteless, and da only mee tat i can swallow down my throat is Kampua/Kok Lok mee, i still prefer hansen's mother cooking.

anyway, tuesday ---> friday i stayed in cristopher house, where else saturday ---> folowing friday i stayed in Hansen's house. both from difrent family BG and both wif difrent family culture.haha! cris family was small as most of his siblings has gone off states for working, his parents emphasizes on tidiness and boy , i don dare to simply throw my undies here and there. haha! cris is da only child staying wif his parents atm, and most of da attention is shone down on him, oh ya, when i said attention, this means quarel and punishments as well... haha! he is too hard for his parents to miss when they wanna check up on him.me and cris hang out only during da night. hehe

then we have hansen' family, the happy big family, hansen pretty cold towards his siblings, hes da oldest in his family, wif 3 sis, and 1 younger bro. melinda, melissa and medalene and jansen.... i hope i spelled correctly . haha! all of them are very frendly and nice to me. i love them all very much and i treat his siblings as my own too.:) , it jus gives me da joy whenever i c hansen ans his siblings get around and enjoy themselves' company. haha! her parents are real good cook too. and he has 2 jokers at home - his dad and his youngest bro. oh boy, if only u hear them talk shit! haha! damn funny and amusing... i had badminton wif hansen in d evening time . it is really fun even tho some jerks scold me tat i come sarwak n din go anywhere to play.

now , wat is my feelings? of coz im saddened to leave. i thank god tat i found favour in hansen and cristopher's family eye. i thank god for them , for their hospitality, i thank god who open my eyes to appreciate my own family even more... I love my sarawakian frend + family, thanks for da trip , thanks for making me feel at home, thanks for treating me like ur bros, thanks for introducing ur sis to me(hehe!) , thanks for bringing me around when i know it wasnt convenient for u, thanks for sacrificing ur petrol , thanks for being such a great host, and LASTLY , thanks for everything.... dude, c u all in Penang! hehe....


*********************************sad? naah... more than tat***************************

the 9th day sarawak

9th day in sarawak atm, i just woke up , its wednesday now.... yesterday went to meet my other penangite frenz who came to sarawak too.

well, time flies, a moment ago, i said i jus came here, but now, im beging to whine tat time is short. such is the case always, i came here complaining in my heart but when time is approaching for me to leave, i begin to feel pain and 'she bu de' feelings.

hmm... what have i learnt during my stay here so far? i have learnt a lot, and also enjoyed myself even though many of ma frenz always say tat im stupid for coming all da way from penang to kuching and stay at home. oh well, i learnt and enjoyed someting even 'special' than all of my frenz. i believe tat during my stay here in kuching opened my eyes about family values.

as i stayed in hansen's home, i learnt tat family is very important, whenever im out somewhere and start complaining very hot, first thing tat come out of ma lips will surely be 'wo yao hui jia'(hansen's house) , unconciously, i developed a bond wif his home and family. such is da joy whenever i see his siblings coming back and havin a time of fellowship and parent to children bonding.

whenever i see they get around together really makes me envy and happy for them. such is da joy looking at my frend so blessed wif something so valuable. even tho life is very simple for hansen, but somehow, i feel tat he has something more valuable than me.

i had a lot of fun even tho i didnt go out, i had good food and good place to stay at, i learnt not to complain so much coz no matter wat i say, things still gonna b da same. haha, wat the heck, i still have to face the 'dark' and wander off alone just to pee.... tats a break through for me in conquering my fear.

well... i experienced tensions as well.. :) ,its kinda sad tat i still control my tongue in speaking caertain things and NOT speaking certain things. i hav offended some of my frenz bcoz of my ruthlessness of my tongue.

aww... wat is my feeling at the moment? well, i feel NUMB and cant tink much , coz sub conciously i know tat time is drawing near for me to go back my homecity Penang to work and get on wif my usual routine, a bit sad i wud say, other than tat, i really cant tink much of words to utter out 'this feeling' . i guess, my frend wud also felt da same as they too will get on wif their usual activity when i leave. good luck to me and my frends.

God Loves u all very much bro hansen and cris. i thank god tat i was given a glimpse to share a moment of bonding wif ur family, christopher and hansen.thanks a million*

*************************sad********************************************************

5th May sarawak trip

well... here i was waiting for the flight.....

my flight was supposedly at 5.45pm, however ,it was delayed like Sh!t nia till 9pm, and by 8pm, it was said to b delayed till 10pm!!!!oMg!!! so much for my 2nd time flying.... so sien wif AIRASIA, go die lo!!!

i went in da plane , i met another young malay women, shes 22yrs old,USM HPP student, finished her degree and going through her MASTER nex semester.haha... we chat quite a lot along da journey , i tink it was like 70% of da trip's journey i use it to chat wif her. :D

reached SARAWAK at 12am, cris's dad fetched us back.... Susan came also.... tio share room , 3 in 1 room.zzz...
darn tired, xiao tong got login , but hard to chat wif her , coz she always talk in mandarin. haiz, her pm put :'zhen tian dou mei li wo' ,haiz... how i wish i can b wif her. btw, da tot of chin Ling very disturbing me , kept seeing her name appearing in adver....zzz

1st-3rd May 2009 Cameron highlands

THE MEN!!! hahaha.... we're the MENSsss~~~!!!!

Ladiessss.....zzz

we all hanging like a monkey ( at MARDI)

Sis and Babe...(MARDI)

in MARDI ,the exhibition nothing one la act, jus got flower to c nia...

in the restaurant, waiting for choo char...

JURINA HOTEL,Cameron Highlands, da place we all staying, 31 ppl went+1 dog

P&W session... emm, mom praising god, wif d other Ladiessss

We Have da MENs as well...

ice breaking....

went on the 1st of May , after my exam , and came back on 3rd... nice trip in cameron highlands

29th April 2009

ok ok... todays WEdnesday 29th April 2009, finished ma exam d...:) , had lots of fun lately, get to go out wif new frends.

today went out wif d 'management flower' ...hahaha , i cant belif it tat Zenita wud go out wif me and hansen, shes normally so lan si, mana tau wanna go out for movie wif us....

we went to Gurney to watch X Men .... haha, nice movie, but she and rachel complained tat its violent a bit....

hmm... i m so blur la, i miss Xiao Tong so much, everyday i m tinking and hoping tat she will b available. i sure hope tat she will consider me some day. :D

23rd April Thursday

lost my bet on chelsea, there goes my RM15 .... and RM 10 to liverpool...
anyway, i have some good news for ma self , I GOT HOSTEL nex semester!!!! woohoooo~~~

haha, nowadays in hostel i got friend le, so song man! can go visit my frenz le this time.haha!!!

erm... now im waiting for my last subject nia, FINANCE examination. after tat im going to party the hol night alrdy . :) hmm.. now tat i got my aman damai, im tinking of going to LEFT4DEAD ,haha, yesterday played till 4am, then 1pm now baru wake up, going to luch soon.

ok ok, really bo mood study, facebook also bo mood check. i wonder wats going at home now....

****************************happy tat i got hostel, sad tat i lost money********************

done wif this shittty ppl

...... im kinda pissed off alrdy, always crapping beside me and nag nag nag, i felt damn pissed wif them alrdy!!!! asking for RM10 for basic meals is like asking for their lives, wat a immature tinking of them. they always tink tat my PTPTN loan cant b used finish....wat a joke, ask any of my frends here and they can tell u tat they get to eat 3 meals a day... me? i have to beg for it...yup, beg for the bloody money to jus have a meal on sunday!!!

this is bullshit! i really felt helpless and totally no freedom at all ... this so called fucking home of mine really makes me felt like a prisoner. earn so much a month, and all i ask as A SON!!! is for a meal , now u tell me drive home to eat, and when i explained and appeal tat my car petrol is insufficient to get me here and there as i like ma, then u dont bother and said tat its my business ... i wanna break up from this shit family ties... when i grow up and work in few years time, i will not step into this 'house' of mine. i hate it... i really hate this place

**********theres no place like HOME*************** im dissapointed at u both of handling me!

17th April in da Midst of test

exams all around me.... yup, tats wat i've been going through, final exam, my heart jus cant wait for the finals to b over. lately liverpool get kicked out of da champion league, sad to say...

in hostel, life going pretty well as i hav finally found a bunch of guy frenz to mix wif, 1)Bro Hansen, 2)Bro cris(but curently he got his gf to attend to everyday) 3)ci sheng my buddy , 4) Ong the joker, 5) Siang my 'sun you' ... aaa(pleasant smile*) , now , i feel happy to go to school, but still i HATE exam la.

anyway, in school , i hav move on alrdy, however there is somethings tat i felt very confused about, my emotional feelings toward ppl has changed. right now, im not even sure whether i like or dislike some1 , my feelings toward 'them' is in the range of 'i dunno' . hmm...miss ooi ask me about my feelings towards her , and i was speechless , i wasnt confident to start another relationship , i was hoping tat i shudnt b using ppl to replace my ex, no, not with my curent sitution. i had to make sure tat i can forget about her ma.

question is....have i? well...i have been able to relax and b natural again, i seldom tink of her during the day nor night. i personally tink i have move on, but now its jus my emo feelings tats i hav to adjust. i dunno who i liked, who i really love and whom i had a crush on also.zzz... in school, im talking freely to EVERYBODY. tat doesnt mean im a playboyla...

well..later im having da exam again...BM, 2pm. oh well....i wont be studying anything crappy about it d.wish me luck.haha, veenn , hope u come penang asap!!!

*****************************************************************************

5th April 'I cant move on ...'

entering the fourth month alrdy, another five days it would be our 12th month(if it includes us still) . i am still wondering, how are u ? long time we've not seen each other.

we both have grown up, u have grown slim and beautiful in the LORD, i can see ur fervency for God, the way u behave and the way u talked. U've come out stronger ever since this relationship.Me on the other hand, still struggling to move on like u ordered me to. everyday i struggled in putting on smiling faces in church whenever ppl ask me bout u, even 'nurse' ask me about u was alrdy enough to make me in tears.

i wonder and live with hope each day, whether or not u'll accept me if i ask u to again. i know i failed once b4 when i realized u were still holding so much grudges against me , but i din know tat ever since tat day, ur love have faded and changed into so much difrent. frenz?or foe? i dunno.... the way u treated me tat day when i met u in DIGI center for the cancellation of ur line, there u were, acting so cold .....

u treat me as if nothing has happened, it was as if tat u barely know me. deep inside, i was hurt deeply, how cud u move on so quickly ...

many frenz has pressured me to move on by looking for another girl, but no 1 can replace u at all. i cant find another 'u' in those ppl. the way we used to laugh, giggled, and share our happiness , past experience/lives and teary moments together.

this coming week is study week...im still trying to adjust myself to hostel life which i opted to avoid further damages to my relationship wif my parents, i m not doing well now. In life, its just hard ... easy said than done.

haiz...i know i blogged this story many times, but as i write this to express my feelings, i just wanna let u know tat in my heart, u r still there, i dunno when it will fade off depending on how long we dont communicate. i am still trying hard to do wat u tink its best for us--MOVE ON, i know u wanna study and concentrate on ur career. i will try. bye for now Chin Ling.

i mi$$ u a lot still. everyday i still tink of u, tink of the times we used to fellowship together and spend time getting to know one another. i miss those times, i miss the times where u help me pick myself up when im having trouble at home. i miss u. :(

23rd March, i miss u still

im really down, i miss u , yes i do!!! i really still like u, even when i pretended to b cool in church or watsoever, i never intended us to be so far apart and cold to one another.

u gave me those cruel cold shoulder is just too hard for me to bear, i cant stand it, i always 'blaf' my self tat i shud still believe u still love me, deep inside. but my eyes is deceiving me wif wat i see day in day out, u treat like u dunno me, even b4 we broke up, i alrdy felt so much neglected by u in public places, i cant even hold the hands of the person i love most, i cant even express my love in the most simplest form of being together wif u. i have been tortured long enuf when we were together, i have tried everything, i sacrificed all including the intimate moments just to protect u from letting ur parent know me and u 'on' d.

y, y , y ? y tell me tat we shud fen shou then after i tried letting go then begging me to stay?i hated my self for letting u slip off my arms on 31st Dec, i din wanna fen shou, but u told me tat ur mom wanted u to study and tat we shudnt 'on' le.i respected ur wish to study and please and obey ur mom , tats y i only did wat u told me to during October.ever since then, i lost hope .

i always wanted to be wif u , however, i regreted for being so obedient to u, now i lost it all . so much for folowin god's way.... i kinda regret being a good person at times. i hate it!!!

i have wept everyday, everyday i tink of u! seeing my 'oxygen' but unable to feel it anymore. why must u leave me like tat. im happy for u tat u settled down so quickly, but at the same time , my heart ACHES! seeing the person i love has lost the feelings for me alrdy. i will never forgive myself for making u cry and losing u.its all my fault!!!

i love u still... im trying to b obedient to u even now, im trying to obey wat u said to me: move on, study hard, and dont tink back d. i cant, i really cant!!!! unless i have memory loss which im currently slowly having it alrdy, i had trouble remebering my girl friends names, guys as well.

HG , i really need u ... but i know deep down , its IMPOSSIBLE anymore for u and me,coz u dont love me anymore. everyday i wait wif false hope.

sign***********************************************************************in tears#