TEMPTATIONS.... the real world

wats human race's greatest sin ? disobedience , self seeking , and hatred ....

the real world is such a bizzarre thing for me, especially when i jus recently got into the wake of society in Uni, in life , and in home, da many things i learnt lately, its killin me. Mom was right when she said without God , one can become anything but righteous, one can steal, one can cheat, one can lie, commit adultery, commit hideous crimes, etc... but its a sad thing tat even tho we all desire good, our nature is still (like it or not) bend on doing wicked and evil things.

God, why must we all suffer this kinda paradox? at times, i fall too, many a times, i failed to obey u even when i desire to... how can a man keep his way pure? by living according to ur command, i wanna do tat from now on.... since school gonna start, i sure hope i will hav a new beginning , busying my self wif GOd , school, and ER. haha!

TRIBUTE TO MICHAEL JACKSON

Sorry tat i post so late, on Thursday, MJ died, many ppl cried, my parents felt wat a great loss it has been, my bro victor no mood study coz all da while he hav been emulating his moon walk and body popping....tribute to u MJ.... haha, cant believe his music mostly are from good lyrics....and not like da current world lyric tat is full of nonsense de. good bye MJ, we will miss u

Sunday: duty for CIDS, no futsal, goin funeral

login at 4.30pm... but my 'frend' bo login.... her sis chiam her comp jor.oh well....

today woke up 8.30am to get rdy go church duty... playe guitar for CIDS, but forget to bring my CApo, so i didnt really live up to my full potential. wat to do.... last minit cant find it, whenever i don wanna use it, it kept appearing in front of me... such a paradox.

i didnt go Futsal as my frends not enuf , plus, i lazy le... lately , i don exercise tat much also. this week only exercise 3 times nia , compared to 5 times per week.

oh ya, during church time, i was having stomache ache, coz yesterday 11.30pm i ate wif sis in Lai Lai , i ate Hokkien mee, chicken chop, fried rice, and fried chicken ....stomache is blotting out!!!!

i came back and nap at 2.35pm, i just had a wierd dream, i dreamt tat the whole world is aftering me, da government wanna catch me for something tat i saw tat is top secret, i was a fugitive and strange, my cousin ah boy also apearing in my dream...wat the heck he doing in my dream? plus, my ex's mom was also there, coz i saw her Kenari car then as i was about to approach the car to c who lai de, da soldiers caught me , then i woke up. i felt soooooooo thirsty when i woke up, dunno y, plus headache, i rmb drinkin water b4 i slept ma. strange....wat does this dream mean?

later im going funeral at 7pm. i guess this is da last time i seeing my relatives from my grandma's sister's side le.... the chain of bonding is broken le.sad....

Friday and Saturday:relative passed away... me get back laptop!!! for now

today , as i was bathing , still sad over my laptop incidence , my dad came in and told me tat my Grandma's sister has passed away. i was kinda shock, coz at tat time, i rmb seeing her last year during one of her grandson wedding, but then this year's CNY gathering i didnt go meet them coz i had to attent to my China frenz who didnt go back China during da holiday .

i went KUlim there to find my relatives together wif my dad's siblings ...... all looked sober. hmm... i realized my far distance cousin all got bunny teeth, haha... victor took a while nia to blend in to them(da children) ....went back at 1.30am

on saturday.... i went to shop to take back da laptop...haha, after quarel wif dad on friday, i str8 tell dad sorry via sms. now settle d.... but i dunno hw long will it last ....sure hope this peace wud last. im trying my very best to be at peace and obey HE .

i didnt go church on saturday coz my buddy pong and Joker chio me dota... swt, play until quarel....jus a game nia, wats their problem?

TRAnsformers!.... thanks to u party pooper!

WAKAKAKAKA~~~ today lagi keng! i slept at 6am and woke up at 2pm !!! hua, really spend my time well . :p

sorry ER tat i didnt answer ur call la, coz i was playing games , pai seh again. umm, nex week i sure bring my HP wif me all da time and stand by for u la.kk?

went to watch transformers today wif sis and choo bao+ frends , nice show !!! the effect are great !!! PG13, lol !!!the actor was great, plus OPTIMUS PRIME is cool!!! i like him, however, hes still look like an ape.

Great movie, UNFORTUNATELY !!! ... theres a party pooper at home. when i came home at 12.30am, Pong ask me to go supper, then i went to ask permision from ma dad ( in my heart i wasnt confident too tat he will allow) , then of coz la, he said NO! , then i went to my room de shi hou, he came in and started to scold me and insult my frends using christianity as da basis for his criticism, tat really piss me off. half he made a full stop in his 'LECTURE' , i went toilet, then tat pisses him off pulak ( c? the chain of reaction of pissing each other??? ) .... he reacted of coz, and took away my laptop, nice going there.

heres a picture to describe this party pooper(see above) .... hate it nia!

****************** good mood also become bo mood*************************

Tired, frustrated at streamyx

today i supposed to wake up late, thanks my bro who wake me up at 8am , then my mom at 10.30am, im so darn tired, i slept at 5am yesterday coz i was playing dota wif pong pong.... tired sei ngor.

woke up and do nothing, very waste time nia. haiz... i sure hope my modem can improve a bit... so lag de, and sometimes kept dc. sien nia.

i din go CG le, coz i was too tired. duno la, feel like i wasted my whole day. btw, i canceled off my 016-4448837 line le. RM155 i had to pay even when im not using it. now im oficialy broke. darn it!

************** the hokkien ppl say 'TULAN'(sory abit rough)****************
haiz... pai seh wif ER nia, me kept wanna on9 wif her, but end up talk so less, i feel so bad, wat kinda 'frend' m i to her, i sure hope she wont giv up on me. thanks to streamyx la! make me geram dou sei.

ER, i wonder wat we'll b in future ... really excited bout life. but frustrated about past. happy to hav u by my side . thanks for being there for me when im sad, happy, angry, or not angry.zzz haha!

HAPPY father's day!!!

today woke up and went church at 8.45am!!! coz i had to play for the little children .
had a hard time teaching audrey the chords and stuff.... chuan~

today pastor talked about father's the perfect father (our heavenly father) has 3 basic characteristic:
1) Patience ,2) forgiving , 3) Loves unconditionally

wow... im gonna be a good father towards my children in future!!! da BEST DAD ever!!! haha... i wan my children to feel proud of me, a frend, and a protecter towards them.

unfortunately , some ppl wif single parents faced difficulty, pastor did mentioned tat their children are vulnerable to moral decay, substance abuse, rebellion, and sexually active at young age. i do pray tat it wont happen to them. God, pls help those single parents to raise up their child, it isnt gonna b easy. be a FATHER to their child.Amen.

anyway... school gonna start soon... around 2 more weeks nia. later.

ohya! i took picture wif KAPAL SINGH tat day during my Headmaster Retirement dinner. i din know tat K.Singh was a former xavieran!!hahaha! but he looks old d, he cant move well... pity him .

nothing to do...

it saddens me... everyday i feel like an idiot... waitin and waiting... wats there to wait? for knowledge to come by? for love? for money? .... i dunno la!!! im not living life to the fullest. i don wanna displease God, however, my flesh is so strong over my spirit la. just so lazy... yup lazy wud be da word to describe myself!!

on9 since 11am... din c my dear login... sad. have to wait till 3pm... oh well, have to tahan lo, wat to do? strange thing about teenager life, y m i acting strangely in front of her de? ... haha!!! faster login la!!!

CANT SLEEP... me fat? ... pimple?zzz

thanks to tat show, now i cant sleep. whole night kept dreaming non stop, haiz....

im alrdy 21, is a shame tat i still cant watch horror movie. maybe im soft and weak at heart still. who knows tat cud mean in a gud way tat im gentle ma...but still, this kinda personality is dangerous, somehow i sense in me tat if rage comes in, it will b a disaster.

so much weaknesses i have in me, not tat i wan ppl pity me, but i wan myself to b honest , i don wanna lie to ppl or pretend to b some1 tat im not .

well... yesterday, my frend ALvin from France came back d and when we met up, he keep criticising my face, zzz... issit really tat bad? he said my face 'chan ki' ... i admit lately stress and seldom jaga, but umm... still, issit really tat necessary to talk bout it everytime we meet? lol... chan ki, but still entao ma i told him :p

i have grown fatter or thinner??
haiz...some said im thinner, some said i've become fat.... well... i jus wanna b fit for my sports(futbal) ma... haha! after all, i cant achieve these things when im old ma .

2005 pic, thin? 2009 pic, fat ma?

i wonder whether if i m fat... haiz, big issue for women? nah... guys care about their weight too!!!

*******************afraid***************************************************

met Old frends and shopping!!!

well..somethings wrong, i woke up in da middle of da night again, thanks to mosquitoe! haiz... so tired la, whole day cant sleep. stayed up from 2.45am - 4.30am....forgive me LORD.

i went to gurney wif my old buddy!!! ALVIN, ah leng and ah pin, long time no c them... all go uni study nia no free le to hang out. haiz...anyway, it was nice catching up wif them.we met up at 1.30pm, and ate at MCD , get a new VIP junior card. we chat till 2.50pm.

UNfortunately, i was pranked by them, as usual.... they tricked me into watching DRAG ME TO HELL!!! ... sh!t mia kawan, i was horrified thru out da movie. all da while , i was closing my eyes and staring at my lap. haiz.... stupid horror show! now im gonna hav trouble sleeping !!! 3-5.30pm da movie....

after tat , we went to one-stop there to play arcade. ha! my driving skill sucks.lost to them all....we played till 6.30pm then cabut le.

came home and went pasar malam at 9.15pm. hoho~ bought 2 pants.well ... a bit tired. tired of da show jus nw, tired of myself too.

haiz... today i said something to Alvin, it made me feel like a hypocrite. im guilty of it. i cant believe tat i actually said something and did another . wat am i? a christian? im guilty LORD, not worthy to b called ur son, y wud christ died for an insignificant me?..... haih.... i sure wish the world is at peace.

after movie , me went

蒲公英的约定

happened to listen to jay chou's song--蒲公英的约定. i never actually cared about the lyric, then i realised , its about a song for lovers who promised themselves to each other and when the time comes, they will re-meet up again and then move on again as couple, unfortunately the ending was a sad one, the promise was broken . the place that this promises was made was actually in a garden where 蒲公因 flower exist. sad, i almost cried for the song! haha... anyway, jay chou is very pro in his words. simply nice to listen. :)

well... life is jus like tat, things happened -good/bad, we still have to move on, tho watever we regreted, we have to learn it da hard way, and sometimes thru other ppl's exp. i sure hope everyone (my frends, my loved ones, my parents, my family) learnt it the easy way in life. not just love , but in this society.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vKICStnAKGE
哈哈，i still dunno how to upload videos from youtube to blog yet, still learning .

wat am i?

the battle is all in the mind... LORD pls help me win this war,i wanna triumph in u. u r my victory . create in me a clean heart and pure mind... i wanna stay innocent of hate ,deception, temptations and wickedness....

how can a man keep his way pure from sinssssss? by living according to HIS word. looks like i gotta read. everyday will b a battle to me.

well... gonna stop seeing u alrdy.wat my sis said was right, by doin tat , i shud b able to move on nicely.

lately, RE (terbalik*) din login. wat happen? i tot she avoiding me too...haha! glad to have her bty my side... i feel so lucky.

frends, all of u are so good to me and always by my side , scolding me to wake up. thanks for all tat. i will come back strongly. i will!

my hatred

in front of me , u cried and told me tat ur parents wud scold, in front of me u begged me, in front of me u still hold da confidence for a better tomorow... all these has been known to me as LIES all along, wat m i? wif a broken heart and sorrowful heart , i refused in order for u to focus on studies and obeying ur parents.

soon... u rear ur ugly head, u lied to me , after all this time , another guy showed up and took care of u and shower u wif concern tat u become inflactuated at him? now... tell me da reasons again why cant u and i b official? yes, it was ur very reason tat prompted me to broke up, and now, i found tat these reason u gave me was a pure lie!!! .... im da only one in ur heart? don talk bull $h!t wif me anymore...

i hate u, i really hate u right now. u wan ur kettle back? i will giv u back, i won wanna c ur face again, im sick of u! da sweet talks, da bloodiful promises u told me when u said u are COMMITED in 'this' relationship. bull sh!t , tats all bull sh!t to me now!!! i hate u chin ling, untill this hatred subsides, i won wanna see u, don even let me c ur new bf , i will really beat him up. wat m i? a spare tyre? and when u don have me u find ur other 'spares'? ...im through wif it.

i hate u chin Ling, this hatred in me i will use it as a driving force in my studies, i don wanna c u anymore. i wish u will get ur 'reward' , and to ur new bf, he wont b wif u 4ever, this i gurantee u!!! hes jus a thief who ambush u and u who r soft and double minded enough to go for him. now i know y i still cant move on, coz i always tot and belif in u tat u havent giv up on me. nw tat i know da truth, i won wanna see u 4ever.

so much for PATHOGEN FOREVER, so much for SBS, so much of FOREVER LOVE, all these are jus sweet talks and nothing more!!! ... i won utter these things to another girl again, i wont wanna b like ur new bf who take advantage of girls in pain ... hope u suffer shame and guilt in future.bye~~~!!!

***************************HATRED*************************************************

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what is my real age?
6分的朋友，你是屬於比較文靜型的，而你真正成熟的年齡是在14~17歲之間，你比較沒有主見，別人說一你就做一，但是你生起氣來可是非常的驚人，你又很屬於稚氣的類型，可愛是你的特點之一~

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wathi chin ling, its been 6 month alrdy, how r u? heard tat u went form 6 and doing quite well. i c tat u have moved on well thanks to those activities in church and ministries u served in. i see tat u really have grown a lot chinling maturing in many areas, this is probrably my 1st msg to u since 2009.

so , wat u told me was true all along tat i hav been replaced, chin ling, im sorry tat i told everything about us to ur mom without ur knowledge. little did i know tat u cud move on tat fast, u are really strong. i just wanna wish u and ur new bf well again. watever i done to u in da past, i say sorry and i regret fully for letting u outta ma hands, i still hate myself for it.

but as wat u have said, i shud move on, i will try . my results and everything have not been doing well , maybe this was da consequences of my actions and past mistakes. im really sorry about it, i wud do anything to revive those good times of us. however, i know its impossible now tat wif ur curent status.

well... how r u ? FORM 6 is hard? went tuition d?haha... hope u do well in STPM. gambateh chin Ling.



tat was wat i wrote to chin ling on 9th june 2009 tuesday. i miss u chin ling.... i still do

3rd June 2009

well... 2nd june tuesday , my result came out le... guess wat?.... my CGPA 2.87 nia... really sad a bout it..
i did really bad, part of it was bcoz i seldom study and also, my break up wif my ex.

time has really fly very fast, its been 6th month since my official break up wif chin ling. i have not fully recover until now. wat have i to say, most frends of mine kept telling me y giv up da whole forest for a tree? .... i know i ought to move on, but at times, those memories and certain things will remind me of her again and again...

i jus came back from TESCO wif ma sis, its 11.42pm now, i saw the biscuit 'ROCKY' which was chin ling's favourite biscuit.... haiz, those thoughts, those memories... how i wish i cud unwind the clock. but then, time hav to move forward.

nex semster is coming soon, im doing everything i can to rest and relax my mind off, but lately i kept sleepin late and strangely, im sleeping enuf, i dunno y m i havin sleepless nights?

li tong gonna sit for her marketing again, pity her nia, looks like i hav to buy another new marketing book d...zzz